A Brush with Death

A Brush With Death

 

 

We often forget about this bitter truth that despite every effort we are all going to die one day, as we are too busy feeding limitless plans to our restless minds. Death today is largely taken for granted and we choose not to think of death let alone talk about it when it is certain and guaranteed that nothing can shelter us from its merciless blow. But I am certain that people would stop ignoring as well as fantasizing death should they experience themselves the like of what I am about to narrate.

I could never have imagined then what was to follow us on that fateful night...

It was the night of September the fifth of 2013. The time was around 9 p.m. when shops in Phuntsholing town started to close.  I and my friend, Sam began to search for a taxi since we were going to visit our friends at the College of Science and Technology. After some time we could get a taxi to our great relief. After the start of our journey, just before reaching the CST gate we encountered two trucks which had completely blocked the road. There, we had to wait for about half an hour which was quite frustrating as it delayed us further. Immediately, it somewhat crossed my mind that perhaps this little mishap was some kind of spiritual message forewarning us of a looming danger. But again, I instantly stopped clinging on to that superstition fearing that something bad might really happen to us if I kept on being superstitious. So, I chose to encourage my chicken heart with a spark of hope that nothing bad would happen to us.

It took us almost two and a half hour meeting and talking with some high school mates and friends at CST. I had a great sense of satisfaction to have renewed the friendship that was forged back then.

It then followed another impatient waiting for a taxi. But our zeal to grab a taxi was temporarily interrupted by three of the boys from CST. They said they were councilors of the college checking out suspects in the theft of three laptops. I am still trying to figure out which part of our outlook and disposition made us seem like thieves because even to this day I can’t forget the evil eyes and the arrogance they were questioning us with. While I remained dumbfounded due to the stupid allegation made against us my friend was brave enough to remain calm and explain politely as to why we visited the college and to which college we belonged. As conversation went on, my friend’s politeness seemed to have paid off as we found ourselves being praised by them when they came to know that we were scholarship students studying in India. The evil in their eyes faded as they apologized and wished us goodnight. It was a great relief.

However, there was one more thing that worried us. It was too late and there was hardly a taxi coming our way. Nevertheless to our great relief again, a taxi came by and we hurriedly moved in. Later, we saw that the driver was drunk, to our utter disappointment. And the way he drove the vehicle, taking the wrong sides of the road worried us immensely. It immediately reminded me that my life was perhaps in great danger. In an instant it made me pray wholeheartedly to the second Buddha, Guru Rinpoche and I recited the Bazaguru mantra. At certain point of time, just as we met a bend of the road, instead of following the curve, he drove us down straight and in a flash we hit a bund with a loud “bang!” My heart almost seized at that moment and I couldn’t really believe it was real. If it wasn’t for the small bund alongside the road we would have fallen several feet below the road which could mean certain death. We remained dumbstruck for some time and I felt a mild pain in my left knee while my friend had felt a little pain in his head.   

The taxi driver tried to move the vehicle back but it wasn’t working. Although we were really disappointed with the driver we had to help him push the vehicle. But no matter how hard we tried we couldn’t move it back to the road even an inch. Meanwhile a vehicle came our way and a group of men inside it helped us push the taxi back. After that we gave the drunk driver his taxi fare thinking that it might help him a little for the maintenance of his damaged car.  Then the group of generous men in the vehicle dropped us back to town for which we wholeheartedly thanked them.

That night I didn’t sleep very well pondering over my first brush with death; death which remains a mystery to us all. Ever since that accident I think I have become less ignorant of death as the fact remains that we can never predict when or how we are going to die.  

P.S. This was written more than 2 years after the accident.

Being More than an Actor

 

I don’t know if my friends or people at large know that all of us human beings live half our lives acting. We do not realize that we spend most of our lives as mere actors because the world around us is so illusory that we become attached to what we see around us. But it is astonishing to know that animals do not act the way we do. We human beings are on top of the Animal kingdom in terms of brain capacity: we can do great things that no other animal can do. We don’t have wings but we can fly in huge white birds of our own creation and we travel all around the world. Our skin is soft, our canines aren’t large, our stomachs are vulnerable, our finger nails are not as sharp as claws, and our heads are fragile not bearing any kind of protective structures such as horns. And yet we are the most ferocious animals of all. We can create weapons that can destroy the whole world in a matter of seconds! Yet we fail to realize that we are not who we think we are.

 
I had a great biology teacher when I studied in grade ten. He could be described as a great philosophical teacher. He had a certain uncommon specialty. Once we were each asked to plant a tree in and around the school campus. All of us brought various seedlings and planted them in various locations. Mine was just near our classroom. It was a bottle brush. I had fenced it with bits of bamboo and we were asked to water the plants regularly.

                               
Two weeks later, when he entered our class he said, “I asked you to take care of your own seedlings, but now I can see most of the seedlings shrinking. On the day I asked you to plant the seedlings you were doing a great job. The seedlings were being fenced, well protected, and they were young and green that time. Today when I was coming from the staff room right near your classroom, a bottle brush was dying. The fence wasn't there. Well, whoever the seedling belongs to, it was upsetting to see the seedling not taken care of.” Meanwhile, my face turned red with flush of guilt as he continued. “You see, look at those plants. They are no longer green. There are only few leaves left and they are dried. Now I want to ask you, who you really are and what is in ‘you.’ Yes, think about who you really are and what makes you who you think you are.”         

       
The question that he asked, I now realize, is so thought provoking. He told us that our failure to take care of those young seedlings was a reflection of our lack of self esteem, which in turn could possibly ruin our lives. He also told us that all human beings spend half their lives acting. Now if we try to recollect what we have been doing for the last few hours in school, at home or in town, if we examine whether the biology teacher was right or wrong in saying that all humans are actors half their lives, we will come to realize that he was indeed right. It is just that we do not recognize our true “self”. In this world, so materialistic yet illusory, we fail to travel inward into our own “self”. We explore the whole world, we interact with people of different races and learn their ways, we go to school and get education to learn about everything other than our “self”; we cling on so strongly to our desires, our dreams and our goals, always failing to notice that, meanwhile, we have become blind to our inner selves-a destination naively thought to be confused with insignificance.

Today, as I frequently find myself “acting,” I always remember the words of my teacher. The seedlings were planted, fenced, watered and taken care of only after my teacher asked. In his absence, they were left unattended. That was the reason why he pointed out that we are all just actors.

                             
As students, school is where we act most often. Sometimes we wish our teachers “Good morning” with our bodily gestures or agree with whatever our teachers say, be it advice or be it a lesson, but when we are with friends we are no longer the same students who were wishing “Good morning” or who had been nodding enthusiastically at what the teacher said; we start doing things that we were asked not to do. At times, we complain about our teachers being bad to us.

                            
Even with our friends we land up acting. We might show a fake smile and deceive our friends. We may be friendly with them, but we may also have certain reservations.

                           
During evening prayers, some of us are real devotees. We might chant prayers because we are conditioned in that way, as prayers are a usual part of school activities. The reality, however, is that we might feel suffocated and impatient about the lengthiness of prayers sometimes.

                           
But we find the same acting taking place among many people at the community level as well. Some rich people organize grand religious programs not with the Buddhist dharma in mind, but for the sake of displaying their wealth and to gain the respect of thousands of other devotees.                   

                           
I have seen this in Thimphu during one winter break. Since it was a vacation, I didn't have any regular work. Every evening I used to circumambulate the National Memorial Chorten with hundreds of other devotees, mostly elderly people, often as old as eighty. I could see how devoted those people were. Their bodies were stiff and they were panting even though they were walking slowly. In spite of their physical challenges and their exhaustion, they were not stopping. Although they could hardly bend their bodies, still they were prostrating. I was thinking to myself that eventually I would also have to go through this same state of ageing. If I were as old as they were, I wouldn't be able to circumambulate and prostrate. I wouldn't be able to go on a pilgrimage. Therefore, I would be unable to accumulate merits. So, I realized that it is a misconception that all those activities for the accumulation of merits are only meant to be practiced when we get old. I realized the importance of strength in doing all those pious acts, strength which is available to us when we are young.

                           
But among those hundreds I have mentioned were also the young boys and girls of Thimphu. Their feet were walking around that chorten and they were in groups of seven or ten. I could hear them chatting, which at first I mistook for chanting. They were talking about this and that, and meanwhile some of them were using slang. It was hard to imagine, but for them the National Memorial Chorten, consisting of statues of Buddha and many other great saints, had turned into a place where they could talk rubbish and use slang without any sense of respect. Nevertheless, at least their feet were walking around the chorten!

                            
As human beings we can think in better ways and do things in better ways. We can choose what is good and what is bad. We can even think about what we are thinking about at a particular instant, and we have the ability to alter the way we think from good to bad or from bad to good. Above all else, what separates us from other animals is our ability to control our minds. We say the mind is the master of all actions, but we often think one thing and do another. In this way, I believe we are all acting.

                          
When we can think in better ways, when we can manipulate the way we think, and when we can even think about what we are thinking, our ability to rid ourselves of the actor within each and every one of us becomes a practical reality. When we have all these extraordinary abilities, why don’t we rid ourselves of the actor inside us?  And why do we want to deceive others if we become the victims of our own deceptions? These are the questions that we must ask ourselves in whatever we do, wherever we go because the moment we find ourselves “acting” we can divert our minds to the path of truth. Then we can do whatever we do with devotion.

                          
With all our innate capabilities and cranial capacity, let us not travel further away from our own self, but travel the journey inward, deep within ourselves. Let us not deceive our teachers by wishing them “Good morning” simply to impress them, but speak with our heart and souls; let us not chant prayers with evil thoughts, but with hearts to liberate all sentient beings from this wheel of Samsara. By transforming every thought into a positive thought, and every action into a positive action, we can make this world free of deception. Let us all be pure- as pure as the vastness of the ocean and the sky- and let us make this world a place of solace, a place of serenity, and a place of true happiness.

                                            Thank you for reading!